I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
wow bdsm is so cute
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
