we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
