Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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