So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
