his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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