I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
