do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
