If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
