How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
