You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
