My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
two words: eviction party
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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