There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
