So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
