isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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