Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
