none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
