Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
