my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
