dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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