There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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