I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
