I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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