So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
