the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
