Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
