Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
