here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
