Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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