I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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