why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
