I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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