Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How naked do you want me to be?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
