So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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