These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
MIDGETS
????
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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