you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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