Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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