Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
