i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
