what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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