I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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