I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
