and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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