i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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