omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
