How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
