He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
