There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
