I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
