you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
