let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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