I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
