why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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