didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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