I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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