wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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