I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
